In the latest installation of my horrible traveler series I am examining how one should act when visiting a foreign country. At any given time, hundreds of thousands of people, if not more, are traveling the world on holiday, exploring new places and learning about different cultures. However, as we all know, some are better at this than others. It also seems that many tourists are actively seeking to be as obnoxious as possible. In an effort to help these fine folks, I decided to create easy to follow tips on how to become the worst tourist in the world.
The biggest annoyance when traveling abroad is without a doubt the fact that you are not home. The food is different, your surroundings are strange and no one speaks English. In order to minimize this shock to your system, it is best to pretend that you have in no way actually left home. Rather than try new foods, instead head straight for the nearest McDonald’s or KFC. Refuse to do anything adventurous and instead stay firmly planted on the Hop-On-Hop-Off bus. Make sure you do NOT leave the bus, otherwise you may come in contact with foreigners. Lastly, speak English to everyone, regardless of whether or not they can understand you. If you are having a hard time being understood, just speak louder and get angry.
Since you’re traveling, you are probably pretty upset about the fact that nothing is as great as it is at home. Rather than bottle in your emotions, let them out! Loudly profess to no one in particular your intense dislike of where you are. Complain that it’s impossible to find decent food or anyone who speaks English. You can’t even find ESPN on TV and all the BBC covers is snooker and endless rounds of cricket. The best place to complain loudly is in a restaurant setting. To really up the ante, send back your meal saying that the fries aren’t cooked properly.
Finally, how you treat people when you travel is also very important. When interacting with locals (I think you call them natives) be as rude and condescending as possible. Rather than realize that they call your vacation destination home, treat them all like your personal staff. Ask to take awkward pictures with them as they perform “traditional” jobs, like shopping in the local market and let them know how miserable you think their country is.
So that’s it! If you follow these easy tips you will be well on your way to being a truly awful traveler.