Today I am pleased to feature a guest post by writer and tech expert Dave Dean. Dave has been traveling the world for fifteen years, amassing an incredible amount of expertise along the way. He writes about travel technology at Too Many Adapters and the highs and lows of life as a long term traveler at What’s Dave Doing?
With seemingly every other travel blogger passing through – or staying in – Chiang Mai these days, finding lists of things to do in this large northern Thai city isn’t too difficult. Stories about trips through the temples or out to Tiger Kingdom abound. Photos of glorious food and incredible lantern releases tantalise the taste buds and spirit in turn.
But what about the other side of coin? Where is the list of things that you really should not do while you’re there? Who is telling that story?
Well, actually … me.
So here goes:
1. Don’t visit Mrs. Pa’s smoothie stand on your first night in town
Mrs. Pa has a smoothie stall that she sets up at the Chiang Mai Gate night market most afternoons. At first glance it looks much like any other street stand, with a couple of blenders and a range of different fruit piled high, until you spot the queue of people approximately 17 miles long waiting for their opportunity to pray at the altar of Pa.
Yes, the smoothies are that good, and for 20 baht (around 70c) it isn’t going too far to suggest that they may well be the best you have in your entire life. For that very reason, do not visit Mrs Pa on your first night in Chiang Mai.
If you do, you will not be able to order a smoothie anywhere else in the city for the entire time you are there. You will find yourself anxiously counting down the hours until 4pm when Mrs Pa’s smiling face reappears at Chiang Mai Gate. If you do happen to order somewhere else, you’ll find yourself downing a perfectly fine smoothie, turning to your companion and saying “well it was good, but…”.
Trust me, I know.
2. Don’t ride an elephant. No really, don’t.
Elephant’s backs aren’t built for humans to ride, and they often end up with foot injuries and permanent spinal damage as a result. Young elephants destined for tourism are abused, beaten and starved to crush their spirits. When not working, the animals are frequently chained up and under-fed, leading to severe psychological and physical problems. All this, so that tourists can spend lots of money to ride them round for a while. It doesn’t seem worth it, does it?
Head out to the Elephant Nature Park instead, a renowned rescue and conservation organisation near Chiang Mai. You’ll have all of the elephant interaction you could hope for – feeding, bathing and more – without any of the guilt.
Photo courtesy of Daniel Nahabedian, Canvas of Light Photography
3. Don’t go for a midnight swim in the moat. Or any other time, for that matter.
Chiang Mai is famous for the moat that encircles the old city. On those long hot days in the dry season, cooling off in that body of water might seem like a good idea. After half a dozen large bottles of the local beer, it might seem like a great one.
The thing is that the moat is deep. Like, several metres deep in parts. Back in the day it was meant to keep invading armies out, remember? Combine that with everything on the streets that gets washed into the moat when it rains and … well … it sounds like a recipe for a quick visit to the hospital at best. If you must do it, wait until Songkran in April when the moat is full (making it easy to get out) and possibly chlorinated.
None of that seems to stop the occasional scooter or car driver from checking it out right up close, mind you. One can only hope that’s by accident…
4.Don’t dress like you’re on Koh Phi Phi.
The dress code in northern Thailand is quite different to the islands in the south. T-shirts and shorts are fine (except in the temples and high-end bars). Flip-flops are still an expectation. Bikini tops, however? Not so much. While a guy wandering around shirt-less is tolerated on the streets and in the bars of Phi Phi, you’ll just look silly if you try the same thing in Chiang Mai.
The nearest beach is hundreds of kilometres away. Remembering that when figuring out what to wear in the morning probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Have you been to Chiang Mai? Is there anything you think that should be added to this list?
Dave grew up in a small town in New Zealand, which seemed like the perfect incentive to get out and see what the rest of the world looked like as soon as possible. Fifteen years later he still hasn’t quite figured out how to stop. He blogs about 
Who am I? I am a typical Gen-Xer and recovering cubicle-dweller who has a passion for all things travel. My site brings a unique perspective that is hard to find online. I am not a backpacker, nor am I...
Great post Dave. I will have to remember Mrs Pa next time I’m in Chiang Mai.
Also, I completely agree with you about the elephants. I had the unfortunate experience of going to one of those elephant camps to ride an elephant – it was a very sad experience.
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Dave Reply:
April 18th, 2012 at 7:35 am
Hey Dean – yup, you should definitely try to remember Mrs Pa next time you’re in Chiang Mai! Of course once you’ve experienced her smoothies, you’ll never be able to forget her.
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Dave, it was great to meet you in Chaing Mai, but the other thing I might suggest is not to go to Chaing Mai. I know it seems like heresy, but when we were there, it seemed a bit, well, Western for my tastes. Too damn many travel bloggers and over-tattooed backpackers all over the place. Not too different from Khao San Road in Bangkok, if you ask me. Of course, I’m old…
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Hey Tom, was great to meet you too a few months back.
I think Chiang Mai is a bit like several other places in Thailand really – it can be pretty Western in parts (esp. in the south and east of the old town) and completely Thai in others. It is definitely possible to get away from the backpackers and bloggers – just jump in a songthaew or get on a scooter for a few minutes.
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Riding elephants seems the perfect example of people not engaging their brains whilst on holiday. Of course being encouraged by locals to do something so damaging to the animals does not help. I love meeting and sharing encounters with animals, but always try to understand what impact I might have before doing something potentially damaging.
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I miss Mrs. Pa! And the Pork Lady at the Pork Wat. *sniffle*
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I’m not advocating the elephant rides, and I agree about the problem of abuse, but unfortunately tourism is the only shot many of them ever had. The former work elephants were put down en masse as they became obsolete, save for the ones that could “earn” their keep in tourism.
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Thanks for the post Dave.
Heading to Chiang Mai to do some online ‘work’ with the rest of the travel blogging community in May, so genuinely appreciate the heads-up!
Peace
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I have high expectations for this smoothie. A dip in the moat, however, not so much…
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This is great! Completely missed the smoothie. We had an amazing time at Patara Elephant Farm. It sounds very similar to the place you mentioned.
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I’m guessing since you didn’t include “Don’t Try Muay Thai Kick Boxing” because you are either a skilled fighter mixed martial arts fighter or maybe you got beaten up and didn’t want to tell anyone. Either way, Thailand has a thriving National sport of Thai boxing and you can find organized fights happening nightly around the city. Last time I was there I ran into 3 over zealous Irish guys in their 20′s. They were on their way to the fights and one of them had signed up and paid to fight. Never knew the outcome. Gonna guess it probably wasn’t a smart idea. Brave and gutsy, yes. Makes a great story, yes. Very smart…NO!
Don’t Try Thai Boxing!
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Hi Dave,
Thanks for mentioning not to ride the elephants. There are way too many bloggers out there with pics of them astride an elephant and thinking it’s cute. It’s not, it’s cruel.
Good for you for pointing this out.
Cheers,
Larissa and Michael
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Haha, love it. I’m in Chiang Mai right now – we’re I’ve been for more than a week – and I can honestly say I haven’t done any of those things. Except for one thing: swimming in the moat. Normally I wouldn’t but it was Songkran and everyone else was doing it!
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I totally agree with the eles!
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As one who lives here, rather than being a “few weeks at a time blow in” I can correct all of your errors, but one will suffice for now, the moat you talk of was built recently and is purely decorative, it was never part of the defensive system of Chiang Mai.
To find the real moat and defensive ramparts you need to look and listen a whole lot better than just a cursory glance before adding to the misinformation pile….
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Dave Reply:
April 21st, 2012 at 3:49 am
Thanks for the update on the historical relevancy of the current moat, Tim.
I’ve “blown back” into Chiang Mai for a bit, so if you’d like to correct all of my errors in person and help me look and listen a whole lot better, my contact details are on my site.
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Daniel N. Reply:
May 10th, 2012 at 12:15 am
I agree with you, if we all assume that the 14th century is “fairly recent” and “purely decorative purpose” also includes keeping out Burmese armies
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I totally agree with you about the elephants, I wish more travellers refused to go on elephant rides while they are in Thailand – the carriages they put on the elephants’ backs so that two people can ride at once twist the elephant’s spine and cause them excruciating pain. It surprises me how many bloggers endorse elephant rides as a Thailand ‘must do’
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Don’t go to Chang Mai at all during Songkran if you don’t like getting absolutely drenched! The reality is as soon as you step near the most you can expect to be covered in water (sometimes ice cold) and remain wet until the sun goes down!
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Don’t go and gorp at the long neck tribes who only exist for tourists at the detriment to their own health.
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I suggest you to go to Lampang Elephant conservation which is run by government, non -profit.
Not an Elephant Nature Park, it’s another idea of one business woman and she has made good profit indeed.
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Hey Dave, where exactly is Ms Pa’s? I’m on Wualai so very close to CMG. Thanks!
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Dave Reply:
April 3rd, 2013 at 4:42 am
She’s one of the many vendors at the CMG night market – it’s on one of the covered parts of the moat. The market runs every evening from around 5pm or so, and Mrs Pa is there six days a week.
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Do not visit the long neck tribe in chiang rai!
The tour company’s give the impression that you will be visiting a village when in actual fact, it is pretty much staged for tourists and a bit of a disney land. No culture there. Just the ladies and little girls sitting by stalls all day trying to sell you things. Very disappointing.
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